Saturday, 17 September 2016

Not So Unpretty

After my post on Tuesday, I had lots of lovely comments and messages, reassuring me that I was pretty. Which was really lovely and thank you to everyone who left a message, but it made me stop and think - is that what I actually meant?

I am very much about life over lifestyle here at The Possibility Engine. While I love to share posts diving into the detail on a project or detailing how I bullet journal, sometimes it's cathartic to simply write and hit publish without worrying about whether what you're sharing is going to result in views and shares and all those things we bloggers ought to consider. 

But sometimes, you have to share what it true for you in that moment.

And in doing so, I learnt something - it's not actually about pretty.

The responses I received were so full of kindness, but I realised that the reassurance they offered was not what I felt I was missing. I dwelled on that for a few days and realised that the times I felt 'unpretty' were weekday mornings, looking in the mirror at work and weekends when I didn't make an effort.

And it slowly dawned on me - it's not about pretty, it's about me.

I've blogged before about struggling with the 9-5, because I've always worked shifts, and with the formal office environment, because I've never worked in one before. While I am getting used to it, I still spend an awful lot of my week looking like someone else. 

Who knew that that could have an impact on someone who professes to not be that interested in clothes and outward appearances?

Friday was dress down day and I felt so much lighter in my jeans, ankle boots and mustard shirt and I felt a sense of relief that, with a week off coming up, I was rid of my work wardrobe for a while. I was free to be myself and dress in a way that makes me feel right in my own skin.

That comfort is such a solid foundation - I feel like I make better decisions and generally feel happier, calmer and more at ease and able to handle stress and juggle the various things I have to juggle.

I misinterpreted a desire to be myself as a desire to be pretty. But turns out that, for me, pretty isn't about what I look like in the mirror - it's actually about looking in to the mirror and recognising myself.

Thanks for sticking with me through a rambling week, normal service will resume next week! In the meantime, I'm going to take a look at my work wardrobe to see how I can Nikki-fy it.

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