January has kicked my butt. Hard.
January is always a bit of a tough month for me - it's hard getting back after Christmas, it's always so grey and dreary, without the festive lights to cheer things up a bit, I'm always looking to reclaim my fitness and, by the end of the month, money is always a bit tight...
But this January has been particularly hard. It did not go at all to plan and it feels like time to face up to that and figure out why the reality was so very different to my dream.
I was going to see loads of Rich and my friends and family. I was going to make the most of the limited time I have with Rich and relish the time spent with the other people that I love.
In line with Clean 2016 I was going to take excellent care of myself - I was going to work out loads (I had the Way of Gray programme to tackle), eat really healthy food and generally take excellent care of myself. I was also going to have a massive clear out - get myself down to a capsule wardrobe and streamline the rest of my belongings to make moving that little bit easier.
I was going to get way ahead at work, so that when I left, I knew that everything was in place for the foreseeable future. Speaking of, I was also going to find a job that would be just right.
I've seen Rich pretty much every weekend this month, but we haven't been able to do much together as we're usually both quite tired! I haven't seen much of my friends at all though, due to seeing Rich. It's a balance that I'm finding incredibly hard to strike - but luckily, I have great friends who thoroughly understand.
I have literally no motivation to actually move. I haven't been properly well all month, so all I want to do is sleep, but I haven't been getting enough sleep... It's a vicious cycle because I want to move and I really miss how active I was when I had my gym membership.
I don't have a job in Portsmouth yet. So it feels like there is no light at the end of the tunnel and no chance of being settled any time soon.
Dramatic as this may seem, I do think that when you're overwhelmed and on the brink of a complete burn out, it's time to evaluate what's going wrong. First and foremost, I need to rest. I need to recover from the lingering coughs and colds I've had in order to face the things I've got to do.
It's by no means ideal, but I intend to take this weekend off. I'm going to sleep as much as I need to, even if that means three naps a day. I'm going to drink a ton of water and not stress over working out or eating a salad or finding a job. While those things are important, right now, I need a break from what I should be doing.
Hopefully I'll have a clearer head on Monday and feel ready to work out a plan of action then.