Wednesday, 11 November 2015

It Will Never Be Enough

This past weekend, I saw Rich for the first time in two weeks. I was supposed to come home on Monday morning, but, for various reasons I headed back yesterday afternoon. We won't see each other now for about four weeks, as I'm working some overtime and then he's travelling with work. And I thought two weeks was a long time!

As you know from a previous post, I was not happy about the two weeks apart, so the upcoming four weeks fill me with a dread so deep I cannot think too far ahead without feeling incredibly sad.

I realised during those last couple of evenings, that you simply cannot get enough of a person. You cannot fill up on hugs and kisses and laughter in the hopes that they will sustain you over the next few weeks. Before a separation, long or short, nothing will ever be enough. You must take what you can, but not hope that it will support you.

Did I know this before? We started off as a long-distance relationship, with him at uni in Portsmouth and me living in London. Perhaps I smugly shrugged off the knowledge of missing someone once he moved to London and we moved in together. Now I am having to relearn how to miss him without getting lost in that.

And yes, I realise he's only a couple of hours away and that this is all very melodramatic, but we are still at the beginning of this new stage of our relationship and I think it's important to be honest - I am struggling with it.

There are ways through it, I'm just reaching out to find them.

1 comment:

  1. You are wise to ride this wave in such an honest way. There is strength in admitting fear.