Sunday, 27 September 2015

People like you best when you are just being yourself

Being myself is something I sometimes struggle with. Because being myself means being a bit clumsy and awkward, often putting my foot in my mouth.

But, much as I might try to be elegant and sophisticated, it's not something that comes easily to me and is, frankly, knackering. (I can also hear Rich snorting at the very idea of me being elegant). So I tend to stick to my people, who don't seem to mind - or, at least, forgive quickly.

While I came to terms with being myself in person, rather than putting on an act, several years ago, online is a different story. It is so hard to be yourself online. It's easy to rage and stamp your feet in your bedroom when you're furious or ring your friend bawling late one night. It's also easy to give up entirely on a day and take to bed with RuPaul's Drag Race.

But online? No one wants to read that - and you're online because you want people to look. If you just wanted to have a rant, you'd take to the private pages of your diary. So I am aware that, by being online, on this blog, Twitter and Instagram, I am looking for an audience.

For the longest time I'd wanted to blog. I've had about three blogs before - one just general musings and two craft based - and I was always very wary of what I'd post. I never wanted to get too political or opinionated because I didn't want the backlash. So I plodded along on a safe middle road, never sharing anything too dark or personal, never expressing any opinion slightly controversial or political.

And eventually, all those blogs fizzled out - because, as I said, playing a role is knackering and after a while I just couldn't do it anymore. So I stopped. But here, I haven't done that. I said in my first post that you could describe me as a Failed Writer. I've been very open about why I think I developed writer's block, what I'm doing to combat it. And while I'll happily blog about the things I'm knitting or sewing - it's because they're part of what makes me me and not because I'm thinking constantly about creating 'good content'.

I've noticed that I've got quite a few page views already. Now this might just be 'bots or people who have clicked away almost immediately. But I have chosen to take it as a sign that I am, finally, doing the right thing. Being myself online - as much as you can be - seems to be working for me.

So if you are out there, if you are reading, thank you. Much as I'd like to say 'Please comment! Follow me on Twitter and Instagram! Email me!' I'll content myself with thank you and hope that you come back again :)

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